Sometimes I want to skip to the part where we’ve been together a really long time. I don’t need the passion of the beginning — the urgency, the unfamiliarity, the shaky ground. I am stressed out and I am on edge. I want to be where we’ve been mentally, during this quick courtship and how fast we both fell, I want to be in a place where that kind of emotion and attachment seems appropriate. I want us to be comfortable and I want us to be cozy. I want us to be a seamless unit. Partners.
I want to curl into your back and fit between your hips where I always do. I want to watch you take your medications in the morning and you watch me wash my make up off at night. I make you dinners I know you like, you DVR all my favorite shows so we can watch them together. When I am sick, you spend hours by my bedside feeding me soup and rubbing my temples. When you are sad, you bury your face in my neck and I let you cry as long as you need to. I want to know the tempo of your breathing and I want to feel like I will never lose you.
Don’t you want that? Warm under the covers. No worries. No pain. No anxiety. No urgency. Just our arms around each other and the quiet of the house. Our eyes closed in certainty.