wordsandfeathers:

It’s the eve of our trip. I’m anxiously waiting for 4am to roll around so me being wide awake is acceptable, even though I haven’t slept at all since yesterday. I should learn to keep things to myself. You went so quiet over the phone that I thought the call was dropped, but I wasn’t moving and neither were you and dead zones don’t just pass over residential areas. I’ve always been scared of losing people. I’ve always thought that me loving them more gave them more power than I did. It’s foolish thinking I know, so is a floating dead zone. I love you. I’ve said it before, I admit, but it’s different with you. Everything is different and so much more with you. I shouldn’t be so selfish. I have to learn to share. Maybe I shouldn’t have skipped Sparks so much as a kid, then I would’ve learned to share and I wouldn’t be so concerned about the little things. I hope this trip will take care of those little things. In the past I’ve always found ways to mess up trips with boys, but I don’t want to this time. I won’t let myself sabotage it. I have a lot to learn, but maybe this trip isn’t the time to learn them. I think just not learning and maybe listening and feeling is all I need. But of course, I need you more.